10 THINGS PARENTS SHOULD KEEP IN MIND WHEN DEALING WITH STUBBORN OR MALADAPTIVE CHILDREN.

1. Stay Calm – Don’t Mirror the Stubbornness

Children often reflect adult emotions.

Reacting with anger or shouting may escalate the situation. Your calmness helps diffuse tension and models emotional control.

2. Understand the Root Cause

Stubbornness may be a sign of unmet needs, fatigue, fear, or a bid for attention.

Try to understand what’s behind the behavior before reacting.

3. Set Clear and Consistent Boundaries

Stubborn children test limits.

When rules are clear and consequences are consistent, they feel safer and learn to respect structure.

4. Offer Choices, Not Commands

Give them a sense of control.

Instead of saying, “Put on your shoes now!”, try “Would you like to wear your red or blue shoes?”

5. Use Positive Reinforcement

Praise cooperation and effort.

Stubborn children often respond better to rewards for good behavior than punishments for bad behaviour.

6. Practice Active Listening

Show them their voice matters.

Listening doesn’t mean agreeing, but it shows respect, which helps reduce defiance.

7. Avoid Power Struggles

Choose your battles wisely.

Not every “no” needs to be corrected with force. Sometimes, stepping back is wiser than pushing harder.

8. Be a Role Model of Flexibility

Show how to compromise and solve problems peacefully.

Children learn a lot more from what you do than what you say.

9. Teach Problem-Solving Skills

Guide them to come up with solutions when issues arise.

 This builds confidence and teaches them that stubbornness isn’t the only way to be heard.

10. Be Patient – Change Takes Time

Stubbornness is often part of growing up and identity formation.

With consistent love, guidance, and time, children outgrow many defiant behaviours.